"Princess, put down that marker this instant, and go to the bath! Before it gets cold!"
"No! I can't! I need to finish this picture first!"
And of course I get annoyed, and of course I mumble between gritted teeth what are we going to do with a girl who doesn't know how to listen to her Ima and of course I take the marker out of her hand and march her straight to the bath.
But a teeny tiny part of me is glad to hear her loud, firm, chutzpadik NO.
Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a girl.
Yeah, whatever, she was me, you get that.
Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by myself, I was saying that there was a girl. And she could not say no.
This was bad, because there are people who, like the dogs they are, smell weakness. They smell prey.
This blog has a number of posts that never made it past draft stage. Most of them are about that time in this girl's life. Because I share all sorts of things with you, O Internet, but there are all sorts of things that I never will.
There are some places in your mind that you can never go into again. And not because you are not healed; you are. But because you are not that person anymore, and the box no longer fits.
Of course it no longer fits. Now this girl is a grown-up! She is ME, as I so cunningly lifted the curtain and revealed to you! And she can now stand up for herself!
Except that it still gives me a stomachache. It's like I reevaluate my worth every time I need to take a stand. Am I worth bothering this person? If I send the e-mail demanding explanation, she will have to take the time to explain. Am I worth that time?
Of course, I am worth that time. Of course. I know that.
Completely not mysteriously at all, this theme keeps coming up again and again in my life.
And I take my sword and have at thee.
Because I am all grown up. Now it's time to take care of myself. Now is the time to say no.