Finding myself in the Middle East

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


There's this blog that I follow sporadically and the guy was ranting on and on about this rapist or murderer or maybe someone who smokes in the kiddie park? Someone bad and evil and probably has bad personal hygiene, too. You read his prose, and you feel all, YEAH!They're bad and evil! Because they are. Black and white staring you in the face evil? I love to hate me some of that.

When I was little, I used to daydream horrible daydreams about horrible things happening to me, because of horrible people. It took me years to figure out that having a sick father with no one to blame--except G-d, perhaps--left me with only the dreams that one day I can point a fingure and say--YOU did it! YOU are bad! Because of YOU, everything is horrible! There was no you, and that was hard.

A friend of mine who has fertility issues has a neighbor who has to be heard to be believed. She spent her whole pregnancy complaining to my friend about how tired she is, and now she complains to her about having to, you know, mother her baby.

It's outrageously insensitive and she is probably a thick blockead to not choose who to complain about her stuff to a leeeetle more discriminatingly, and being outraged at her is so satisfying. This world is so gray, everyone has their own perspectives, and half of us know that even as we are mad at the lady ahead of us in line that is taking too long or the jerk that cut you off that they have a side to their story too, and that we've even done what they are doing, once or twice. When you find some annoyance or hate that you can really sink your teeth into, it's so satisfying, it's like love.

Our landlord is kicking us out. Out kids make too much noise. Thing is, we just moved in a year ago, and they saw that we have kids then, and one on the way. We even asked them for a five year contract because we were so sick of moving. They said no, but not to worry, we could stay if we were good. We are good. We are so good! We fix everything ourselves. (We=Outdoorsman, while I watch, because I am better at watching, and it's important to do what you are good at.) We pay on time. (see: disclaimer above.) We are nice. We are sweet. They are NASTY people, and I wish that I can hate them and live on that self-righteous indignation. But I know that life is not so simple. I know that they hard lives, and I know that she just lost her sister, and I know that they are bitter about young chareidim taking over their neighborhood just when they were ready to settle down in quiet retirement in the house they built when the state was new.

Life and people are all shades of gray. I know that. I do.

I also know how much easier it would be if everything was black and white.

Who wants to help me pack?


Liana said...

"There's a strange exhilaration/
In such total detestation"


JerusalemStoned said...

Aha! If I was Andrew Lloyd Webber, i could have written that whole post in TWO LINES!

Welcome Liana. How are the kid sisters and brothers? Are they your pride? :)

Liana said...

Super proud, y'all! I didn't notice that you answered! And it was Stephen Schwartz. Which I know because I just looked it up. Because I do that.

JerusalemStoned said...

Yeah. I was too lazy. And I totally knew that you would save me the trouble. :)

Liana said...

Being predictable is good ... right?


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