Zero

Wanted to share with you something amazing that my husband wrote. Comment, please please please? I want to encourage him to start his own blog!

It’s easy to be tough about things in the morning, but night is another story. By day you’re a conqueror, a force, but when night comes in the voices do too, the dread comes.

I realize now that it’s been like this as long as I can remember. As a child, I don’t know how old, I lay in bed every night and hoped and maybe prayed that the house wouldn’t burn down. And I think it struck me about five years ago that I’m still just hoping things will be ok.

I can point fingers in every direction. Maybe things were too unstable for a child to handle. Maybe I’m also a holocaust survivor, in a way. Maybe it’s just my job to get over. Everyone’s got something – maybe this is mine. But pointing fingers doesn’t help. How could it?

The world around me has always seemed to swirl with carefree people, and I’ve always felt left out. What’s their secret? That’s the question I’ve asked for years. I’ve tried in earnest to find it. But not even prosperity has brought me the security, the abandon that I seek.

But as I get older, and gradually discover people like me, people I can be friends with, likeminded people however few they are, I find that they’re often as tormented as I am. So I’m trying something new. I’m deciding that I’m right. That really we are hanging from a string and destruction lies in wait. That sooner or later all houses will burn down, and that no matter how hard we try it’s not enough to change that reality.

Perhaps that’s what this modern age is here to do. It’s here to educate us to reality. There’s no more job security. There’s no more financial security. There’s no more national security. Everything causes cancer. And everyone is really out to get you.

The last realization that we need before the end of days is that with all our work, with all our self improvement and prudent planning. With all our self-righteousness and posturing we’re all equal in regard to The Creator. We’re all equally poor. We’re all equally ignorant. We’re all equally defenseless. Zero multiplied by a hundred is still zero. That zero is human existence. And no matter what we multiply that existence by. Whether by wealth, or by knowledge, or by beauty, we’re all equally worthless.

And I’m happy.